As I’ve explained in my last post about relationships, the inner energetic process we go through when we experience a relationship crisis is the same as when we go through a breakup. We have to let go of what is not ours, of all the needs and expectations, and the responsibilities of our partner, and we have to take back our own responsibilities and process our own emotional issues.
The general idea is: We have to return to being whole and happy alone, to being strong and in our own power and strength. When we get to that place, we can know with clarity and without the influence of old automatic patterns, if we want to and can be with the other person. It’s the place of inner strength where we are actually capable of loving the other person, not just our idea of what they are or can be. And it’s in that place of inner strength that we can love ourselves. And one thing is clear: We can only receive love from others if we love ourselves.
The process of sorting out what is mine and what is my partner’s energy and responsibility is not so easy, but we do seem to have quite a good instinct about it. When we ask ourselves: “The anxiety that I am feeling, is it mine or may it be my partner’s?”, we do tend to know which is the case. We just have to trust our instinct.
When we place responsibility where it belongs, everybody’s energy goes up.
- First, when we experience our own emotions from a place of “I take my responsibility of my sadness”, we move up from the energy of sadness, where we are a victim of having lost something, into an energy of courage, where we can face our own issue and learn.
- Second, when we give back a responsibility (e.g. for their emotions) to our partner that is theirs, our energy goes up because we stop being burdened with something that is not ours, and their energy goes up because with the responsibility, they receive the resources. They stop being blocked by us from growing. (The mother who always cleans blocks her children from learning to take care of themselves, and ends up exhausted and angry.)
- Third, as we get back responsibilities that we have placed on our partner, e.g., for making us feel beautiful or loved, or giving us hope or strength, we expand and get stronger and more complete.
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Would you like to figure out a way to:
- calm down and center yourself
- see and feel more clearly about your relationship situation
- place responsibilities where they belong, and therefore raise your own energy