How our mind creates and maintains patterns of dependence – and how to dissolve them
Yesterday, three clients told me things like “I turn into this needy person when I get into a relationship”. And it’s amazing and true: The strongest and most independent people can experience relationships patterns of dependence and addiction. So, I thought, it’s worth a blog post. Let’s look at what dependence is, how to detect it, and the typical mental patterns and thoughts that create dependence. And, of course, let’s look at HOW TO GET OUT OF IT!!!
- Are you sick of always the same cycle in your relationship(s)?
- Do you feel like you are playing a game in which the other person always moves towards you when you just decided to end it, or distance yourself?
- Have you broken it off a few times, but then find yourself at a point where you want to enjoy certain aspects, and get back in, only to return to the realization that you don’t want this?
- Is your relationship consuming too much of your energy and time?
If you’ve answered any or several of the previous questions with YES, chances are you are experiencing a dependent relationship pattern. I could call it addictive, because in many cases we really have the feeling that it’s bigger than us and we cannot get out. So we keep loosing energy and engaging in a process that cannot lead to what we are really searching for – a balanced and positive and loving relationship.